Quotable Keegan: Confessions

"Um, I never told you this, but when I was in the seventh grade I tried to turn myself into a werewolf."

Never!

"Trevor, after Rudolph you are going to bed."

"Never!"

"Yes. Bed."

"Never!"

"I mean it."

"Two words. Second word: 'nev'. Last word: 'nev-er'"

"You are going to bed when this is over."

"Did you hear me? T-O-V-O-R. Never!"

A Trip to Circle K...

...for a treat. it is 5:30 pm and we are all in our PJs. Trevor picks up a Hershey bar.

"Do you know what this says?"

"What?"

(moving his fingers over the words)

"'Cho-co-late Bar. It's Delicious! 55 bucks."

Next he opened the door to the beer cooler. Feeling the rush of cold air:

"Holy Shrimp!"

Um...

Scene: Trevor is in the bathtub and Emma runs in to pee.

"Get out, Emma!"

"Why?"

"You don't belong in here."

"Why not?"

"Because. You don't have a penis."

"Trevor, I'm a girl. Girls don't have penises."

"Oh well. Maybe you'll get one when you're older."

Makes sense

"all that hungry makes me thirsty!"

V is for Camel

"so, trevor, are you learning about a letter in school?"

"yes."

"what letter?"

"veeeee!"

"can you tell me a word that begins with the letter v?"

"um... camel?"

emma (giggling): who needs cable tv when you have trevor?

The Playground is Evil

emma: "mom, is sex a bad word?"

me: "well, it's not really a bad word."

trevor: "hey, i know a bad word. holy shit, that's a bad word!"

Is that a compliment?

"What's that?"

"My boob."

"Oh. It looks like a shark."

Thanks for the advice

"you should get some prudential insurance on that commercial."

"i should?"

"yeah. you have to listen to it til it's in your brain."

"do you know how much i love you?"

"yes."

"how much?"

"fifty dollars."

Honesty is the best policy

"Did you poop at school?"

"Yep!"

"In the potty?"

"Yep!"

"In afterschool or in Mrs. Gaines' class?"

"In Mrs. Gaines' class."

"I'm so proud of you!"

"Yep!"

1 minute later...

"Um... actually, I didn't poop at school."

Yes, that happens sometimes.

"You know when I got sick in afterschool?"

"Yes."

"There was cereal in my nose."